DO TAKAY KI AURAT!

You all must be well aware of this phrase, especially when nowadays it is well trending on Social Media.

The DO TAKAY KI AURAT is a character who cheats on her loving and caring husband for someone rich. Now after this dialogue became a massive hit due to the circumstances of the tv show, as usual, there were a lot of debates. One group (mostly male) enjoyed a lot and the other group (mostly female) got triggered.

Even these triggered women did acknowledge the wrongdoing of the woman but they couldn’t stay quite without pointing out the evil men. Now this is very normal, we human beings love to defend our groups, be it professional groups, gender based groups, racial groups, religious groups etc. For example, we all saw what happened between Doctors and Lawyers a few weeks back. We forget that there are evils that co-exist within our own groups which are actually harmful and should be pointed out. But it is human nature, it’s not only the men who carries fragile ego, it’s universal.

Now before you think I am defending men or I myself was overjoyed by this dialogue, no, in fact, I don’t even care about this drama or any Pakistani drama for instance, just because I have a very different taste.

But I do know that in most of our dramas, men are shown as negative characters, but these same ladies never had any problem with it, in fact, they enjoy, celebrate and appreciate the makers for showing the true face of the society and for raising awareness. Now when the tables turned, it hurt.

Again, this is not a personal attack on women. What I am trying to explain is that this is all natural regardless of gender. Men too get triggered when something against them is highlighted. Like I said, it’s universal. We are so worried about the Muslims around the world but we don’t care about the minority living in our own country. We never look at the mirror, we just point out to others. Everyone wants others to change but no one wants to change themselves. We often hear PEOPLE ARE THE PROBLEM, while we forget that we are the PEOPLE. It’s very easy to bash others but it takes courage to accept own wrongdoings. Our principles change when the matter becomes about us.

Also Read: Why the world is Imperfect and will always remain Imperfect?

Tell me ladies, if your son or brother cheated on someone, will your reaction be the same as you have for other men?

Tell me men, if your daughter or sister cheated on someone, are you going to call her DO TAKAY KI too?

That Is what I was trying to explain above, but I know, some ladies are going to take it personal. I apologize in advance.

I do accept that in most part of the world, a woman is bashed more than a man. A guy having an affair is seen as a cool guy or there is always a justification and a woman is simply labeled as Sl^t. I don’t even want to use the urdu word of sl^t, it just feels disgusting. I myself have heard a lot of times men labeling other women as sl^ts for having affairs while they themselves have multiple affairs. I become so angry that I want to knock out the man who feels proud of having affair and after the affair, labels the same woman as sl^t. It is plain ridiculous. Dude, you were with that woman, you both were wrong equally. You both are Sl^ts. You both are characterless. It doesn’t make you a MAN to have multiple affairs or illicit relationships; it’s the opposite of being a MAN. Now when you have detached yourself from that woman, honor her dignity, what happened between both of you, just keep it between you. Bragging about it or showing clips of your private moments makes you less than DO TAKAY KA.

I wrote a very detailed article as a request to young women (LADIES – PLEASE PROTECT YOUR DIGNITY – YOU ARE PRECIOUS). I will highly suggest you to please go and read it.

I have seen men video calling or voice calling their girlfriends and asking them to do nasty in front of other male friends just to show off. The more girlfriends a man has, the more popular he becomes in his group. And ladies, sorry to say, some of you are to blame too. Why you go after the guy which you know is a male slu^t? It’s like running towards a trap on purpose or maybe you also want to brag about being with the popular guy. Well then Hello! Don’t cry when he cheats.

I have always hated it. I hate men who openly brag about their affairs. In fact, most of the time it’s not even an affair, they are just time passing. And yet only the girl is characterless?

Regular member must have read my love story, if you didn’t, please go and read. I was in a relationship for three years and none of my male friends know about it. And now when we are no longer together, I will protect her dignity forever. I may tell others about our love story but I won’t disclose even her picture.

Be it a man or a woman, if you cheated or have illicit relationships on purpose in all your sanity, you both are wrong equally, period. DO TAKAY KA or SL^t applies on both.

There are many evil women in the world but I have respect for every woman regardless of who she is. I even respect a prostitute. I would never call her Sl^t. I dislike what she does, but I respect her for being a woman. A woman’s dignity is very special and for me as a man, it’s my duty to honor it, not to exploit it.

I was dumped and cheated twice in my life. I have written about it too in my Love story article, I will share in short here. The first girl that I liked, she humiliated me so bad that my image in my entire family was ruined. I was seen as a playboy. And she did just to cover her name because our relationship, which was just a few days old, got leaked and she put all the blame on me and got the clean chit. To this day, I never even tried to put the blame back on her, I became silent for two reasons, one because I didn’t had any support as a boy and second, I didn’t want to humiliate her. I never complained about what happened. In fact, a few years later, I contacted her on Facebook, thinking maybe there were misunderstandings and I should clear her mind about me but instead of listening, she just started yelling at me for no reason. I never contacted her again neither did I ever tried to talk about it with any member of the family. I never called her a sl^t or Do Takay Ki.

The second girl, she was also from family. She used to talk to me and I told her my intentions that I like you and want to marry you. She was just playing with me and I was just being a fool. When I told my Aunty that I am interested in her, she told me that she is already having an affair with another cousin who is studying in London. This guy was better looking than me, was financially much better and studying from London, while I was a high school dropout, trying to get hold of life and I was fat. So when I told my aunty, she told someone else to ask that girl if she was really serious about me. The girl showed my picture and said DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM GONNA SELECT THIS OVER HIM. They both got married last year.

I was sincere with both of them and yet I was humiliated and played, but I don’t hold any grudges. I think what they did to me was actually good for me. I probably wouldn’t be happy with either of those women. But I never humiliated them. They are women and I respect them for that.

So, my advice to all men and women is to stop humiliating each other. There are evil men and evil women and both should be given the same punishment. And why cheat at all? Why be so materialistic?

When I found true love, when I entered into a relationship with this girl, I had a female friend, an online female friend who I never met. But once this girl came in my life, I stopped talking to my only female friend. I am not saying to cut off all your friendships but there is always a line between male and female friends. You can never become the type of friends who hangs out all the time or share each and everything. Even if you won’t develop feelings, it will affect your relationship with your later partner.

It’s natural the way we respond to the opposite gender. A guy won’t share his problem with another guy because then it will become just a laughter but telling the same problem to a female friend will have a different response. The female friend will show sympathy which will be soothing for the guy. Now if the guy becomes addicted to her affection or the girl becomes addicted to his affection, later on when they are in a relationship or marriage, they will keep going back to each other for the same affection, as a friend, and no spouse wants his/her spouse to go to another person for affection or to share personal problems and thus, it creates differences. And I am not talking about physical affection, even words from the opposite gender affects.

I stopped talking to the only female friend I had. I never went over the board with any of my female friends ever. But once this girl entered my life, I made sure that all my time, my affection is for her and I want all the sympathy and comfort from this woman only. I didn’t even want to talk to or share any of my problems with any other woman, even as a friend. I was happy to have this one woman in my life because she meant world to me and I meant world to her.

And it’s not like I am a jealous. I never asked her about her male friends because I knew her, I knew she is also one of those who knows her limits so I had no problem with her male friends. I always say to myself, if I want my partner to give up something, I should give up first. If you don’t want your girl to have male friends, first of all delete all the female contacts from your list. You can’t morally demand someone not to do something which you want to do for yourself; it just doesn’t work that way.

I am single now and my ex is also single, I never messaged her. She did a few times and I tried to make the conversation as short as possible. If I want, I can pass time with her as I also want someone to talk to at the moment, but I know, if I kept talking to her, she will again get hurt once we have to leave. She believes I am still engaged so I have kept it that way because if I tell her that my engagement broke, she will have a vague hope and when again things won't workout, she will have to go through the pain all over again.

Also Read: MY LOVE STORY – I LOVED A GIRL I NEVER MET – THEN LOST HER

May be I am a less cooler guy but I can’t understand the concept of cheating or flirting. I am single now, because of this page; I get messages from some girls appreciating my work. I just say thank you and never try to take the conversation further. If someone does, I do, if they don’t, I don’t. It takes just couple of talks to know whether you want to be a friend with this person or you want to have a relationship and once you know, act accordingly, draw your lines and never cross them. And once you are in a relationship, honor it. You can’t fulfill all your desires in this temporary world.

If you don’t like your partner, just leave him/her with dignity and then go for another hunt instead of cheating. I got a rishta couple of months back. It was like a jackpot for me. The girl was educated, belonged to a good family, strong financial background and the girl itself was perfect. Both the families also agreed and were happy. We had no problems whatsoever. But I don’t know why but from the very first day, from the very first look, I was not satisfied. I never felt happy. I was just not able to connect myself with the girl, despite her being such a great person. We were supposed to get our Nikah done, I wasn’t even preparing for it, I didn’t even want to talk about it. It went for two months, the girl tried to talk to me a few times, I talked back normally but somehow in my heart, I couldn’t see her as my wife. I tried to fight myself into accepting her but I couldn’t. One day the family called me over dinner and we talked about fixing a date for Nikah, and still I didn’t want to.

I was not even 1% excited since day one, in fact, I was in severe depression for those two months since BAAT PAKKI. So I decided, I should call it off. I should not do it just for the sake of families or just for my own sake to have other benefits. I couldn’t love the girl, how would I be able to fulfill my duties as a husband? How would I comfort her? I would destroy a girl’s life. She has dreams. She wants to be loved which I won’t be able to. So I called it off. I know I was a bit late but still Nikah wasn’t done. I didn’t want to hurt her. Some says I did wrong but I know I did right. I tried for two months to like this girl but I couldn’t and it’s not because something was wrong with the girl, I just simply couldn’t connect with her at all. So what’s the purpose of living together? And I assured the girl and her family that I am the problem, not you.

So guys and girls, if you think you are not compatible, split up before it’s too late. And when you leave each other, protect each other’s dignity, honor the time you spent together. And I always emphasize, keep your relationships pure, no haram acts. Ask Allah to show you the right path and He will. I lost my love, I got a great rishta but couldn’t adjust myself but I am still hopeful. I have kept myself pure all along, sometimes I do get frustrated too, I want to go have fun, but then I remember the verse from Quran ‘ GOOD MEN ARE FOR GOOD WOMEN, AND BAD MEN ARE FOR BAD WOMEN and Vice Versa’.

I have huge dreams about marriage. I want my wedding day to be the happiest day of my life. I want to be the MAN for my Woman, I want to provide for her, protect her, honor her, respect her and love her. I don’t just want to give someone the title of a WIFE; I want to give the rank of a WIFE, and believe me, once you are truly in love, no other person in the world can attract you, but, love should be mutual.