Nikah Nama

Some of my readers have requested to write about the importance and issues pertaining to the Nikah Nama.  Though I haven’t had the opportunity to sign one yet (I am not crying), but I just skimmed through it to see what exactly are the clauses and where the issues arise. And I personally believe that the matter is more delicate than assumed.

Nikah Nama is indeed a contract where both the parties have rights to put their specific demands and clauses apart from the basic ones outlined by State or Religions. Unfortunately – especially for women – many basic clauses are concealed, hence resulting in depriving them of their rights. The most common one is the right to divorce. A Woman should be given full authority to ask for divorce whenever she wants and her demand should be honored without any hindrance. Another issue known to me is about Meher. Either Meher is not demanded out of embarrassment or a very little symbolic amount is agreed upon.

However, we should try to understand the situation from both the sides. Victim is not always the woman; sometimes injustices happen from the other side too.

The issue is so complex that no matter how detailed I try to write, I won’t be able to cover every aspect. But this complexity is a result of our own greed. We have deliberately complicated the simplest of things. Marriage is not a trade contract; you aren’t buying or selling something. The only thing to understand is that under this contract, you will form a bond in which your ultimate obligation is to fulfill the needs and to protect each other’s dignity. Remember, both the man and woman have responsibilities along with the rights, and negligence over responsibilities will morally take away your demand for rights. Fulfilling responsibilities is equally important for a man and woman.

No matter how many clauses you hide or add in your Marriage contract; if intentions are filthy, your contract is just a piece of paper. And you all know very well that the current judicial system all over the world mainly protects the powerful; you don’t have to be innocent to be acquitted, you just have to prove your innocence by all means possible. I remember a dialogue from a movie, a Judge says: “We (Judges) know right on the very first day of the trial that who is guilty, but law is blind; our decisions rely on the evidences brought forth.”

I always state that inequality is not based on race, color, religion, gender etc. Inequality and injustice are the products of power. If the husband or his companions are powerful, they will make the divorce miserable for the woman and no matter how many clauses were mentioned in the contract, all in vain. And if the wife and her companions are powerful – even if the clauses were concealed – she will succeed in getting more than she deserve.

I am not trivializing the importance of Nikah Nama. The contract should be given utmost importance and all the rights of bride and groom should be presented clearly for moral obligations. And if either party wishes to add any clause, it should be permitted without demeaning; but I will emphasize that no demand should be materialistic or abstract. Remember, life won’t be the same always; things that you may consider fruitful today might turn out against you in the future. So be very realistic and minimal with the demands and try to keep it basic with primary demands mainly such as right to divorce and inheritance. Asking for a huge sum of amount or demanding stake in property is equal to a demand of dowry and both are wrong. A rightful amount could be agreed upon that in case the husband neglects the needs or divorce her, the woman should be given enough amount or resources to fulfill her needs. This amount or any other resource should be proportionate to the man’s wealth.

Remember, both bride and groom have the right to add clauses and a fight over it is worthless. No matter how much you try to secure yourself with the clauses, at the end only the intentions matter. An honorable man and woman don’t need any contract to fulfill their responsibilities. More than the Nikah Nama, we need to glaze upon ourselves and our treatment of this beautiful relationship.

If the selection of our spouse is based on looks, degree, bank balance and other materialistic stuff, then this isn’t a relationship, it’s a trade. More than own rights, this relationship is about protecting and safeguarding the rights and dignity of the partner. It’s not a matter of contract; it’s a matter of hearts. An honorable person will give more than mentioned in mere words and a cunning person will try to rip off anything it could.

Complicating the contract will further make people run away from marriages. Just like in the west; getting out of a marriage contract is so hassling that people have adopted to live without it. This contract should be straightforward enough to enter in and even more peaceful to get out of it with no harms and injustices from either side. I understand that in many places, women aren’t aware of their rights; the woman should also be educated about her rights and conditions that can nullify the marriage so that she can demand them if husband shows negligence.

One important issue is about second marriage. Though Islam permits the husband, still the permission is not over the comfort and desires of the first wife. If a woman does not want her husband to have a second wife, she should be allowed in the contract to mention it and the man should honor it. And if the man has a problem with it and have intentions of second marriage, the instead of depriving her off the right, he should select a woman who could willingly allow him.

Pro Tip for boys: Next time your wife wakes you up at the middle of the night to go buy an ice cream, pull up the Nikahnama and tell her you ain’t signed up for this. And then celebrate your triumph by spending the night on the couch in living room. And yeah, probably you will need to have food from outside too because that woman is not letting you to take a step in her kitchen.