A REQUEST ( A Little something about me that many can relate to)

Some of you are new and probably don’t know about me or my background but those of you who have been following this page since the beginning, you have an idea of my life.

First of all, this is not a complaint or whining. I am and In Sha Allah will always be grateful to Allah for everything He has blessed me with.

Whatever Allah does, He does for a reason. Every test is meant to make us strong, patient and Grateful. If we could look into the others, we will find that everyone has some sort of trouble going on with life.

Some tests from Allah are to make you realize the importance of some particular thing. It’s human nature that we don’t value the things that we could easily possess.

Allah has kept me alone all my life. I hardly had fun moments with cousins or friends. I was never very close to my parents, all I had was my younger brother and now he is also away and I am just left with no one. It might be hard to believe but my most of the days are spent in one room. Sometimes I don’t see sunlight for days. I just sit in one room and scroll facebook or Youtube vaguely. I don’t even watch anything, I just scroll like idiots. I don’t go out, I don’t go shopping, I don’t talk to anyone. Believe me, I don’t speak even a 100 words a day and if I do speak, it’s not with humans but with walls and ceilings.

It’s not that I don’t want to do all the fun stuff, I really want to but being in an open shadow throughout my life has made me loose interest in everything. I don’t even like to watch Movies now. Actually I do but I can’t focus, I can’t focus on anything, I can’t keep my eyes on one thing for more than a few seconds. I have even lost focus in prayers which I deeply regret.

I made this page couple of months ago. I actually pay to run this page, I do not earn anything. People might say I am stupid as given my circumstances, I shouldn’t be wasting money. I am a 27 years old with no education and no stable job and wants to get married. But I can’t focus on myself, I gain weight on daily basis, I get depressed, I don’t want to go out, I just lay down all day. I just have no motivation. But I run this page to have little moments of happiness. I just feel happy when someone likes my post or leave a comment, I feel like someone is talking to me. I pay that people come to my page and read my posts and leave comments, it makes me happy, it is the only thing that makes me feel alive throughout the day.

Being alone, I overthink. I know many problems are not mine but I think about them. I want people to be on the right path. I feel for people. I don’t know why Allah created me this way, sometimes I wish I could be like people so that I can just laugh at anything, that I could stop worrying for people, that I could stop worrying about what’s right or wrong, that I could stop thinking about people who I have no concern with. But I just can’t. And that’s the reason why I write so long; I pour out everything that’s inside me; everything that bothers me and not for me but for the betterment of others.

I used to be very active, I was someone with big dreams and strong determination but life had something else written for me. I stopped sharing my problems with people because no one can understand my feelings, my pain. No one can understand someone else’s pain. Especially the people online. I used to share but I stopped because I realized that I can’t get what I need. I am at a point where verbal affection has no effect on me, I need physical affection, I need actual humans.

I always wanted attention; I always wanted to be under the spotlight, not because I was a cheap attention seeker but because I never had any attention or sympathy at all. Once in school, my arm got injured, it was not a very bad injury but I purposely went to school with an arm sling just so that I can get recognized and people show sympathy to me. That’s how desperate I was to have people even talk to me for a while.

My all friends have careers, everyone got married, even the boys who were way behind me in skills and brilliance in high school, are way ahead of me now. I was always a good person, I never called names, I never insulted teachers, I never made fun of anyone, I never broke hearts, I never played with anyone’s feelings, I never disrespected anyone, yet I am the one left far behind. Sometimes I do think that GOOD has done nothing good to me. But then I remember that this is a temporary world and there is a Higher Power looking after me and I become thankful and hopeful that He must have planned something great for me.

My request to everyone is that never take anything for granted in life. Many people wish to be alone and separate but look at me, I am telling you, it’s not worth it. You want to be alone and I want the opposite. The online world is artificial, it makes you depress, it makes you lonelier. Keep your human connections intact, respect them, value them. Life requires compromises, life is never meant to be perfect neither the humans. Listening to few bitter words is better than being alone and getting crazy. The lonelier you get the more impatient and intolerant you become.

And a request to our elders and parents, please don’t abandon us. Abandoning is not just throwing a newborn baby in a garbage bag, abandoning is also when you stop being our friends. We know that your strictness is for our good but you don’t realize that your strictness, overthinking and abundance of agitation regarding our future make our bond weaker. You may think we are busy in our world but in reality, we are lost, we are empty. We are surrounded by people, we have gadgets yet we are astray. We understand that you keep us away from the outer world for our own protection but then you have to become our world. You tell us not to talk to strangers but you don’t give us enough confidence to talk to you either. You tell us not to share our problems with others because people exploit us, yet when we talk about our problems with you, we get humiliation.

Ironically, I myself had to write it all down on internet. I just wanted to get it all out.