WHY AM I A HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT?

I passed my Matriculation Exams with 78% marks which was a big achievement for me. My parents & teachers both believed that I was a very bright student and sky was the limit for me. But I couldn't make their dreams come true. Here is why....

If I had to answer it in one sentence, I would say, GENERATION GAP, but let's dig deeper.

My parents were very strict, even as a boy, I was not allowed to go outside frequently. I was given a very limited freedom. I had eyes on me all the time. Where I go, to whom I meet, everything was accounted for. And above all, high expectations were attached to me for being the eldest child. My parents weren't educated and had faced tough times of their own and they wanted me to succeed.

There was a time when I hated my parents for being too strict on me but as I grew older, I realized that they are the most sincere to me and their love towards me is unconditional. They always wanted good for me, they sacrificed their lives, their dreams to give a better life to me and my brother which they did and I will always be grateful to them. No parents in the world can match the love and affection of Desi parents.

My parent's were not wrong for being strict and extra protective. I realized that it was hard for them to adopt the new age, the new environment, the modern era. They were old school and wanted old school results, while I hit my puberty in the modern world. So there was a huge difference of opinion in the house. I never was too motivated to be a class topper, I was more into extra curricular activities. I did blogging, vlogging, coding and all the social media stuff that went viral a few years ago, I did all that a decade ago when It wasn't easy specially from where I belong. I made money online, I was a star, people followed me, respected me but, I never had full support from the house because for my parents, all this stuff that I was doing was meaningless and the only think valuable to them were grades and a degree. I never said I don't wanna study, all I wanted was to have some freedom to do the things that I like to do along with the studies. Alhamdulillah, I was able to clear exams by studying just a couple of hours but they wanted me to have my books around me all the time which I couldn't.

I always wanted to be a film maker. I did made few short films without any resource and I was extremely happy with what I did but again, with no support, I couldn't take it to the next level.

The worst part was that I was living abroad in Middle East. I had no family friends, cousins, relatives etc. And my social interaction was very restricted so I had nowhere to go and I ended up being in a fantasy. I started sitting in a room with books in hand but in my mind, I was in a different world. A world that I wanted around me.

I tried clearing high school and later tried to have a Diploma in Accountancy but never completed it for the same reasons. Day by day, I was being detached from my parents. I was not hating them but I couldn't be their friend either. I couldn't say anything, I couldn't demand anything because I was so afraid of being yelled at all the time for my failures. With no friends or cousins and being emotionally away from my own parents, I became an introvert. I adopted silence. I started living in a fantasy away from reality. It made me feel happy, at least for time being. The superstar I wanted to be in real life was buried in my imagination.

Because of my failures and my physical appearance, I lacked attention all my life and that is the reason why I always wanted to be THE BEST.

Bottom line, I Love my parents, their intentions were never wrong, they were just caught up in the middle of a huge change, a change that even youngsters are still trying to get hold of.

I couldn't fulfill my parent's dreams nor my own dreams. I just stopped at the middle of the road with no direction whatsoever. But I do believe, whatever happens, happens for good. I am proud of my upbringing. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs and I respect women, I have never been in an illicit relationship. I try to be as honest as possible and try never to harm anyone. And I still believe that better days will come for me.