Depression in the light of Islam

Many young and apparently successful, wealthy people have suicide as they fail to cope up with depression. And every time such tragedy happens, all we do is what we always do; we become social media empathize-rs. And yet for 24 hours seven days a week, we play a remarkably crucial part in making this world a hell hole to live in.

Yes it is true that depression is not gender based, or religion based; nor it has anything to do with success and fame. We indeed don’t know the inner battles of a person. Every time a tragedy happens, social media is bombarded with statuses I AM HERE FOR YOU, OPEN UP TO ME ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. Let’s just cut the crap; NO! You aren’t available for any help; you are just being driven by emotions for a short period of time, and once the news starts fading away, so does your help.

Have we even tried to think deeply about the life lessons given to us by our beloved Prophet PBUH? All those bits and bytes that we ignore assuming to be unimportant actually play a crucial part in our lives. Those bits and bytes gradually become a pile of destruction for us.

Why the world is so terrified by Coronavirus? Even though the virus is taking way less lives than other diseases. Smoking has killed more than double the amount of people since January as compared to Corona. Sugar, fast food, bakery, all these are deemed slow poisons; directly responsible for many deadly diseases but we have never taken them seriously. Why? Because we human beings only get terrified of imminent threats and often ignore cautionary advices just because we haven’t seen the threat yet.

Look at our lives and compare it to the life of Prophet PBUH and His companions. There is the reason Allah sent a Messenger in the form of a human being to live an ordinary life among the people. Allah could have sent Quran to a specific place and had Angels to disseminate the location to people and we could have simply gone up to that place and read it. But no, life is very complex and with every complex material, a set of instructions are provided along with a professional to properly demonstrate it. There is a reason why it took over 20 years for the Messenger of Allah to fully convey the Message of Allah. He had to exhibit the art of living life and how to cope with the bumps.

We were told to live the simplest life one could live. We were told to stop running after the world and focus on our fate in the hereafter where we have to live eternally. We were taught every little detail of life. How to speak, how to sit, what to eat, what not to eat, how to work, how to earn, what to seek, what to prioritize; the list is enormous. How much have we studied this list and how much do we act upon it? The modern day ultra-qualified human being wants to twist everything to fit own desires. Everything in this era is about money. Be it education, healthcare, civil services, even therapists; they all work for money. And I am not defaming them; indeed it’s their right to make a living by offering their services because it is the need of the hour. But the point is, the need of the hour is itself destructive. When money was not the absolute need of the hour, people offered services with compassion and empathy; today, the compassion is limited to the amount you pay!

And thanks to media and social media which has made us to hate the people who matters the most to us. Today we have abandoned our close relatives and neighbors and have lost in the realm of dreams which is social media. Telling it from my personal experience, the words on social media are not going to heal you. No matter how much a person is consoling you on internet, a time will come when his or her words will no longer heal you; in fact, it will have your stress worsen. Because we human beings are required to have contact; a physical contact is the true essence of consoling. Tell me, if your loved one is dead, will the whatsapp messages console you? Never! The pats on your back, having a shoulder to put your head on, a lap to lie on are the strongest means of consoling.

But why do we prefer human bots over actual human beings? Because we have become intolerant. Remember, a person who loves you will not always spit sugar; sometimes – for your betterment – a person might scold you, yell at you or say something that may not fit well with you. Well, that’s life; even you don’t spit sugar all the time. Life is about compromises, it’s about give and take. To enjoy the warmth of a person, we have to deal with the rigid side of the person. Take parents for example; no one is perfect, not even parents; they might have done wrong things, they might have been unjust at times but they do love you selflessly. While the person added in your friends list don’t even know you; that person might be posting a lot of positivity that makes you believe yourself a victim but that is not true all the time. This is a huge problem; when we face any resistance from our loved ones, we turn to social media and find a soothing status or an article which convince us that we are the victim and the other person is wrong; this behavior eventually infiltrates our thoughts to become rogue. The words of a writer might suit your situation but the context won’t.

I have given my own example a lot of time. I am a fat person and I know that obesity is wrong. My family often keeps scolding me while social media is all sympathetic for me. But no, my parents are right. If God forbid, my obesity leads me to a stage where I can’t even walk on my own, none of these social media sympathizers will come to my rescue; no one is going to take my burden; it will be the same parents who will go through all the hurdles to support me. My mother always says that if someone is always sugarcoating your shortcoming, that person is not sincere with you, and I do agree.

Depression is not a new age problem; it has existed since the beginning of the mankind and will stay till the end; and we were taught by the Almighty and His Messenger on how to cope with it but we sinfully ignore all those teachings just because they don’t fit with the temporary glimmers of the world. Prophet PBUH also fell in depression once; but He was depressed because Allah hadn’t sent any revelation for over six month. This is the reason for Prophet’s depression; now compare it to our causes of depression. We were warned again and again to not fell for the treasures of the world; it’s nothing but a deception which leads to destruction.

I am not undermining depression. I myself am a long term victim. I had suicidal thoughts too. But I am so grateful to Almighty Allah for putting me in the right path and enlightening me with the true purpose of life. The most fundamental tools of life are GRATEFULNESS and PATIENCE. If Allah bless you with something, don’t avid for more; instead, be Thankful to Almighty; and if you are stroked with calamity, be patience. Remember the saying of Prophet PBUH; in worldly affairs, we should look at the people below us to be thankful for whatever Allah has blessed us with; but when it comes to virtue, look at the one above you to envy and get influenced to be more pious. And here we are, doing the exact opposite.

Instead of strengthening our wifi signals, we should work on reinforcing our human connections. And the type of connections that are selfless and compassionate. You can go to a therapist but it will work only till you pay the bills; and moreover, a therapist won’t be able to grief with you like your loved one. How ironic, we abandon the free gifts of Allah to buy an expensive inferior. And like I said, the free gifts of Allah are free but they cost something other than money; compromise and selfless compassion; sometimes you take, sometimes you give. Sometimes you even have to deal with the bitterness of someone in order to get the true compassion. We all are bitter at some point; even the happiest person could lose temper at times; it doesn’t mean we should stop talking to each other.

It is said that comedy heals; it does but not the current age comedy. Ever thought, today comedy content is in abundance and yet we are the most depressed generation. Because today’s comedy is all about making fun and mocking others; we don’t laugh at the comedy, we laugh at the fact that someone is bashing someone we hate. Making fun of own people gradually instills the hate in us. All the videos about Desi Aunties, Desi Uncles, Desi Phuppo, Desi Parents, Desi Bhabhi etc. We see relationships being mocked in the name of comedy and we depict the same in real. Have you ever wondered how much PHUPPO has been given a wrong notion and how significant this relationship is in reality? The same phuppo is someone’s khala, mother, sister too. We just watch our elders being thrashed online in the name of comedy but never look upon ourselves. Yes, our elders aren’t perfect, are we? We whine about the injustices of society, how many times have we scrutinized ourselves to see the injustices done by us with others? Remember, today you are having fun watching someone getting bashed or roasted online; tomorrow you could become someone’s subject too.

Don’t lose the people who matter to you for temporary human bots on social media. And above all, love yourself. Remember, you are created by Allah and Allah’s creation is perfect and never worthless. You were created for a reason; figure it out.

And always keep your expectations low. Sometimes, we do a favor and expect something specific in return and upon not getting the expected response, we get disappointed and this disappointment leads to hatred and depression. Expect the reward of your deeds from Almighty; He will bless you with things you would have never imagined. Don’t expect from people; it doesn’t mean all people are bad, it’s just the other person might have done his best but it wasn’t up to the mark for your expectations.

Sometimes, you have to suck it up, you can’t disclose your problems to everyone; it will only make you more insecure. I am not suggesting keeping all the air inside you to the extent that it chokes your nerves; it is okay to open up but it is even more important to open up to the right person. Opening up to random people, especially on social media, will only worsen your situation. And the best is to open up to Allah; cry in front of Him from deep down your heart; He listens and paves way one can’t even imagine of. Try to get closer to Allah.

It is not like that being a religious person, depression or any other form of trouble of pain won’t get to you; no, this notion is wrong; the only advantage is that if you are sincerely closer to Allah, you will have a hidden power to fight the enemy.

And sometimes, you may find that the person you are seeking help from is behaving rigidly; it’s not wrong to be strict at times; remember, either being entirely soft or hard all the time will also devour you. Balance is required, you should not expect to have people behaving softly all the time, it will only weaken you. Have you ever seen military training? To become a warrior, one has to face harsh behaviors that may appear disappointing at the time but one does realize its importance at the later stage. So if someone comes to you for help, don’t be quick to conclusions, try to understand the problem and analyze the person’s situation. If the situation requires feathers, provide them; if the situation requires nails, hit them! But at the right time on the right place. It's not just about listening, it's about feeling.

Also Read: How I Overcame Suicidal Thoughts