BRITISH ROYAL’s SEPARATION AND PAKISTAN’s FAMILY SYSTEM

Everyone is well aware of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle and their recent decision of leaving the royal family to be an independent couple. Who is right and who is wrong; no one has the right answer. We don’t know them personally; we don’t even live closer to them; we make our assumptions just on the basis of what we read on the media or social media which is written by someone who also don’t know the couple personally. It could be the royal’s fault; it could be Harry’s fault’ it could be Meghan’s fault; or it could be everyone’s fault.

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But what happened with the royal couple is universal and it has strong roots in Pakistani family system too. But, we must not look at the royal couple for directions because their lives and our lives are way too different. I read some of the comments from Pakistanis; especially our women praising Prince Harry and wishing their husbands were cooperative as Harry. Well, let’s dig deeper.

One argument is, that in such family separations, why is it always a Woman’s fault? True, it may not always be the woman, but it is most of the time and no, I am not talking just about Wife; women come in all shapes; she is a mother, sister, daughter-in-law, mother-in-law etc. Ever heard AURAT HI AURAT KI DUSHMEN HAI?

Again, it is not necessary that same applies to everyone so I am not blaming all the men or all the women. We can’t decide on who is wrong and who is right unless we know them very closely. But the major part of this world is PERCEPTION; we make most of our decisions on perceptions; be it buying a mobile, choosing a restaurant or choosing a spouse.

Sometimes, a man has rough relations with his family before marriage. The man doesn’t feel happy or comfortable and somehow wishes to be left alone. Again, you can’t say if the man is wrong or the family is; without knowing them. So when this man gets married and the wife too feel uncomfortable with in-laws; she becomes a fuel for the thoughts that a man was already having. In simple words; a Rebel meets a Rebel. Can we blame the woman entirely? No. But the same woman could have acted in the positive way too; instead of acting as a fuel; she could have be a bridge connecting a man with his family.

We always hear about CONTROLLING MEN, what about CONTROLLING WOMEN? A girl is often taught by her own mother how to convince her man to get separated even if the man has a strong bonding with his parents. Now some argue that separation is a woman’s right; even according to Islam. True, 100% agreed. But when you are separating from your SASURAL, why are you not getting separated from your MAIKA too? You don’t want your husband’s family to interfere in your personal life and yet you are still active in decision making process in your MAIKA.

Your husband is the best husband in the world when he leaves his family for you; but when the same is done by your brother, BHABHI GHALAT HAI. When your DAMAAD makes your daughter BOSS OF THE HOUSE; he is a gentleman but when your son does the same; he is a RUN MUREED. When your DAMAAD gets separated; he is a Diamond but when your son leaves with his wife; he is a GANDI AULAAD.

Dear Brothers and Sisters, I always emphasize on how important every relationship is. All you have to do is keep balance. You can’t get everything you want in this life. Learn to compromise. No society is perfect; we drool looking at the western world but their GLITTERS have cost them their families. Their family system is a mess. Young people often look at the freedom they get in the western world but they forget that youth doesn’t last forever. At the end of the day, your career, your money, your freedom and your thousands of ONLINE friends will not be there to comfort you; you will need your family.

Our parents sacrifice their lives to raise us and yet we can’t pay them back by being a support in their old age? They sacrificed their desires for us and yet we don’t want them to be a part of our life? Like I mentioned in the beginning of the article; don’t be influenced by celebrities; Prince Harry and Meghan’s family can survive without them financially; our parents can’t even do that.

Joint family system is a blessing if not taken for granted. Not everything is money; value people more than you value money. Maintain balance. Parents and the in-laws should also give privacy and independence to a couple living with them. They should also try to avoid as much as possible to stay out of their personal affairs.

For parents: Please try to realize that your child is an adult now and have other responsibilities. He can’t be the same with you now. Most of the sons are not very strong financially so please don’t overburden them by taunting and over expectations; both by parents and the wife. A wife is a very precious person in a man’s life; don’t be a hurdle between their relationship; it won’t serve any good. And treat your BAHU as your BETI because your BETI will be someone’s BAHU too.

For Children: No matter how old you grow; remember; you are always a child for your parents. They still have an authority over you. They love you. Their connection with you is much stronger than any other person in the world. For husbands; try to maintain balance between your wife and your family, both are important. Don’t misbehave with your wife for your family because she left her family to come live with you. And for Wives; don’t forget that one day you will be mother of a son too.

And if separation is a necessity, do it but in a humble way. You may feel uncomfortable with your family traditions or values but it doesn't mean you have to humiliate them. It is the same family who raised you and gave everything you need. Get separated; don't cut the cord.