Lowering Gaze and protection of Sisters and Wives – A Message for Men

Hijab is not only a piece of cloth over a woman’s head; hijab means to have a distance between the opposite genders and keep dignities intact. Both the genders are required to wear proper attires that do not provoke the opposite; women are instructed further as Allah has blessed them with distinctive beauty. But Allah has also instructed men to lower their gaze. Let’s talk in detail about what lowering gaze means.

It’s not possible for a woman to always adhere to Hijab; some situations and circumstances just doesn’t allow them; just like men, hardworking labor often work shirtless to beat the heat – provided that they aren’t working in a mix environment because it is also not permissible for a man to be completely shirtless in front of a non-mehram; now of course a hardworking woman labor can’t go shirtless but we also can’t expect her to be in a Burqa or Hijab.

Allah has instructed women to stay at homes and not to go out unnecessary; but the same instructions are for men too; it was advised by the Prophet PBUH to not spend time unnecessarily out of the house; do your work and rush back home. But the world we know today is quite the opposite; we spend too much of time in non-essential activities; and to keep women at home while men enjoy all the social activities is quite unfair. And besides, today it is a necessity for women to step out for essential activities too; be it earning or buying groceries. Women were never barred from public space; just a specific guideline is to be followed by both men and women.

For example, I am sitting in my outdoor lawn enjoying sunshine; suddenly, my neighboring women starts doing some outdoor chores, like watering their garden or washing their garage; now I shouldn’t be expecting them to stay indoors or work wearing a burqa; in this scenario, it is my duty to either change my sitting direction or simply go back inside. Similarly sports; it is not banned for women; what forbidden is to maintain hijab with non-mehrams; meaning no mix games or not to play at places where they are totally exposed. But the responsibility lies on men too; if there are women playing in the street, it’s my job not to peek them and give them privacy by staying home; if I have to cross their path to get somewhere, I should simply lower my gaze and pass; it is not meant for women to stay at home just because men have to use the street. Although, if it is a busy street, then women should also be cautious and play their part by choosing a place where they can maintain proper distance. It’s a mutual job.

Similar is the case with media and social media; young girls and even mature women too get the temptation just like men for posting pictures and videos; although it is not recommended but one can post pictures by maintaining proper hijab; again the responsibility will lie on men too; if you see a non-mehram’s picture, scroll down; if it’s on TV, change the channel. The justification is vague that if a woman is not following Hijab then I shouldn’t lower my gaze too; just like the counter argument from the women is also vague that if men are not lowering their gaze, I am removing my Parda. Remember, each individual will be responsible for their own actions on the Day of Judgment. Now ask yourself, if Allah questions that why didn’t you lower your gaze; will Allah accept the justification? Similar for women too.

Now another relevant topic is about protecting sisters and brothers. Men often make the mistake, either intentionally or unintentionally, that they themselves will enjoy everything but will keep their sisters or wives at home in the name of Parda. This is not Parda my dear. A woman is also entitled to entertainment. I agree that as a guardian, it is our responsibility to protect our loved ones but not by keeping them separate. I will share my examples with you; although I don’t have a sister but I have a younger brother and I love him, I am very protective of him.

Our parents are very strict and protective too. AWARA GARDI wasn’t allowed; even meeting friends daily or even weekly wasn’t allowed. My brother is five years younger than me; as an elder brother and due to the age gap, of course restrictions on me were lifted early; but still I was allowed to meet friends only once a week. My mother had no issue sending my younger brother with me; she just didn’t allow him to go alone. At first, I didn’t want to take my brother with me as I knew he would spy on me and tell secrets to mom. But then I realized that I enjoy my time; even if it is one time a week, I enjoy it; we eat dinner and have fun while my brother is at home. This hit me and I felt bad for him; so I started taking him with me so he can enjoy too.

This was long time ago; now I am 27 and my brother is 22; he studies abroad; he lives alone in a third country without parents and brother; meaning, Alhamdulillah he is a mature independent man. But now-a-days, we are on vacation in Pakistan and as an elder brother, I feel it my responsibility to protect him; I am not saying that I guard him 24/7 or place restrictions on him; but like an elder brother, now when I am with him, I feel it like it’s my responsibility.

During Ramadan, we used to pray 8 Rakah Taraweeh and then sit in the garden; I would watch videos and he would be playing games or watching videos too (Honestly, we were bunking Taraweehs; we would go home only when 20 Rakahs were finished in the Mosque :p). Watching videos wasn’t important for me but my brother wanted to play online games with his pals and that was the only time when all his friends were available. After a few days, I wanted to sit inside the Mosque instead of the garden due to heat; but my brother told me the reason of his pals being available only at this time and told me that you can sit inside but I will sit in the garden. Now, we live in Bahria Town which is relatively safer area and my brother is not a kid; but I couldn’t let him alone at that time of the night in a quiet place while I am sitting inside enjoying Air Conditioner knowing that my little brother is sitting alone outside vulnerable. So what I did? I didn’t restrict him; I didn’t ask him to abandon his game for my comfort; I chose to sit with him.

I am not the greatest brother in the world; I should have done a lot for my brother; but the reason I shared above stories is to explain the point that protection doesn’t necessarily means restrictions. As a brother and husband, you should make time for your sisters and wives too; take them out, allow them to be part of social gatherings or sporting events in your supervision; but supervision doesn’t mean to be a dictator, it simply means to make sure no one harm your woman. Give them privacy, allow them to enjoy with their friends too; provide them the place and time where they can spend quality time comfortably. Simply keeping your sisters and wives at home while you enjoy a party or a BBQ is not protection; it’s actually being ignorant of your responsibilities.