WHY LOSING WEIGHT IS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME

I have been a fat guy since childhood. It is in my gene that I adopted from my mother. Ever since I was a child, I tried to get rid of it, well to be honest, not me, actually my parents, specially my mother always forced me to shed down my excess weight. She always forced me to diet and exercise, but it went too far. I don’t blame her, she loves me and wanted me to be healthy but, she just missed the point that I was a teenager with no straight goals or motivation, I just wanted to enjoy my life, I wanted to eat, and to shed weight, I wanted some sort of motivation.

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So when I was not able to get my favorite food at home, I starting cheating. I would eat from the outside so that she won’t know. Now, the thing is that when you do something hidden with no one looking after you, there are no boundaries, that is why one should never be extra strict so that the other person finds a back door where you can longer monitor. So anyhow, I became addicted to fast food and Coca Cola. And because no one was monitoring me and I was just an irresponsible young guy, I nailed it. And because my social life was almost zero and had no activity whatsoever, food was my best friend, junk food to be exact. And because of not much extra extracurricular activity, there was no body movement, hence extra fat.

Anyhow, I am not one of those who embrace something wrong. Obesity is wrong, period. One should not accept it happily unless it is beyond your power. The bad thing is to discourage or mock fat people, some people take it as a challenge to lose weight, others get depressed and gain even more weight, everyone has a different mentality. My mother always say that if someone truly loves you, he will never let you embrace your obesity, he will keep reminding you how bad it is, and she is right. The only thing I would say is that it’s ok to keep alarming about the situation, but not always, wait for the proper moment once in a while.

Even I don’t want to be fat, forget about others, I don’t even like myself looking at the mirror. When girls reject me, I don’t get mad, it’s their right, everybody has dreams. Now I am not encouraging to reject people based on their physical appearances but, it is also ok to select someone you find comfort with. Accepting someone with faults is a noble deed, but rejecting is not a sin either unless you make fun and feel proud of yourself or feel superior, that’s so wrong.

So, if I don’t want to be fat, why I am not reducing? Well, losing weight doesn’t require a diet or exercise only, it requires a healthy mind. If you are mentally unstable, you lose focus. And if you are lonely, it’s even worse. To do anything, you need motivation and something in return, that’s a rule in this world. Everything we do is for a reason, even praying, we pray to ask Allah for forgiveness or wealth or any of our wishes. When I was in a relationship, I lost around 40 Kgs because I had a motivation, I wanted her and not just because to impress her family, but because I wanted to look good for her, I didn’t want her to sacrifice her dreams of having a Prince Charming for me. So I tried, it was tough because I was going through a lot but at least I had a motivation that kept me going every once in a while. When I lost her, I lost the motivation, I tried to keep myself intact but couldn’t.

Throughout my day, I have no one to talk to, I have nowhere to go spend some time with someone, so all I have is me and I am happy with that, but this me bastard loves to eat because you can’t have an empty stomach when you are just lying around all day. You just can’t control it. When you are busy, it is easy to control your diet because your mind is diverted but when you are all alone, the temptation is crazy, all you thing about is food.

I am fat again, a lot fat because I couldn’t stop eating and I have lost all my focus which is very important for workout. I don’t want to share everything that is happening in my life, Alhamdulillah I have many things which millions of other people dream about so I don’t want to complain about things that I don’t have. It’s just that I get depressed because of everything happening around and the only thing to cure my depression is comfort food which makes me even fatter which eventually makes me more depressed and the cycle continues.

I am hopeful that good days will come. I will loose weight, I will wear some good clothes, I will look nice and have a beautiful wife. May be it will take some time but eventually it will come.

I am not complaining, I know it is my fault and in my power to get things done. I am just a prisoner of my own self trying to get out of it which eventually I will In Sha Allah.